Blog

MySpace

April 13, 2010

Stop right now and look around you. What do you see? What is the makeup of your environment? What is your color scheme? Is there order? Is there life? Growing up my mother used to say that the state of your room mirrors the state of your mind. A messy room equals a cluttered brain. I hated it back then because I knew that that meant that she wanted me to clean up my room. Now that I’m an adult I totally understand the concept. We ladies are creators. We were given the gift and the responsibility to give life.

So often we mistake the act of procreation as simply the responsibility of having children. Procreation is that, but it is not only that. You are a creator of your universe. To be Godlike is not about being able to quote bible verses or not missing a Sunday service. To be Godlike is to do as the creator does.

In the creation story, according to the Christian bible, God was intentional about the creation of the universe and all things in it. Our Mother/Father God’s first step was light. There first was recognition that there was work to be done. As you sit in the space that you occupy and look around do you recognize that this is your piece of the universe? You have dominion over your space. What have you done to be Godlike in this moment? What do you honor in your environment? If your space is cold and sterile what does that say about you? If it is cluttered and unorganized, how can you expect clear thoughts and direction? If you have not been intentional in the creation of your environment what can you expect to reap?

I often relate stories back to me being a gardener. I’m not the most talented yet. I’m still very much a student of the craft. Gardening requires forethought, planning, knowledge and determination. I pull weeds, treat the soil and prepare it because I expect that land to give back to me. I expect to be rewarded by the fruits of my labor. What are the expectations of the space that you have created?

Every woman has multiple universes. We have multiple systems that we have either intentionally or unintentionally created. As I sit in my office I look at my bamboo. It is important to me that I am surrounded by life. I am a child of water. Water makes me feel good. I need to be in it. I need to consume it. I have a fountain in my office. I am a mother. I have pictures of my husband and children in my office. My desk is wooden. There are inspirational words and phrases in my space. This is my work universe. My home is a universe. My gardens are my universe. These are things that I pour into with an expectation that I will be rewarded and honored. What is your expectation of your space?

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (1)

Plant Well

March 15, 2010

The other day I happened upon a concept that I was unfamiliar with. It’s called companion gardening. As I try each season to develop my gardening skills, I was instantly drawn to the phrase and wanted to know more about it. The basic premise is that in nature there are certain plants that encourage the growth and development of others and certain that actually repel or depress the progression of their neighbors. Skilled companion gardeners take time to learn and research what plants should be positioned next to each other for optimal development.

The concept of companion gardening was intriguing to me not only as a novice gardener, but also as a therapist who specializes in women’s empowerment. Immediately I began to marvel at my sister, Mother Nature, and the brilliant ways that she clues us in to how to live. If you understand companion gardening then you understand that the company that you keep can either impair or empower you. Your friends, coworkers and associates either upgrade or hinder you. Their attitudes, beliefs, actions, goals, etc. are either rays of light or suffocating weeds.

Take out a piece of paper. Draw a picture of a flower in the middle of the page. This flower is you. Now draw and number ten flowers around the picture. On a separate piece of paper write the number one and then assign a name to the first flower. Number one should be a person that has a significant place in your life. Ask yourself the following questions about the first person.

• What role does he/she play in my life?
• What does he/she believe about success?
• Is he/she happy?
• Does he/she make me happy?
• What does he/she do consistently to help others?

Repeat this exercise for all ten flowers and then ask yourself. How healthy is your garden?

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (4)

I Need You

February 22, 2010

If you listen to the radio, receive emails or watch videos on Facebook or YouTube, you’ve probably heard that we don’t get along. You’ve probably been told that women, especially black women are jealous of each other, we back stab each other and we hate and we fight. You’ve probably been fed divisive discourse outlining the reasons why we fight. Dark skin versus light skin, thick versus thin, natural hair versus relaxed hair, married versus single…I could go on and on, but you get the point. For some reason there is a huge campaign circulating with the sole purpose of stopping women from connecting. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I believe that there are powers that be that profit off of the dysfunction of women. An agenda exists that has reason to oppress us by separation. Come on! It’s not too hard to believe. The tactic of divide and concur is not a new one. And it makes sense to make women out to be dysfunctional and spiteful.

Women are creators. Women are powerful beings. Women at our best have the power to nurture, protect and give birth to change in the world. In the creation story God made Adam and then realized that Adam could not exist on his own. Adam needed balance and vision and a vessel to continue to create and reproduce. God did not give Adam the ability to bring forth life. He trusted you with the responsibility of life. Have you ever stopped to think about the symbolism in your creation and that fact that mankind lives on only because of you?

So why is it now that women have had to fight for the right to vote? Why is it now that women have to prove that they can hold the same positions that men have? Why is now that women earn $.75 for every dollar that men make? Why is it now that women have to prove that they are capable of holding a position in government? Why are we being painted as hateful, emotional, dysfunctional people? Is it because there are powers that know what we’re capable of if we join together?

I need you. I need the energy of my sisters? I need your inspiration. I need your experience. I need you to mentor my daughters. I need you to be an example for my girls. I need you to raise strong men. I need you to be my friend. I need you to support my efforts. I need you to teach me new recipes. I need you to encourage me through my marriage. I need you. I need you as you for me. I really don’t care how you wear your hair, if you have children, if you have a degree, if you’ve been to prison, if you’re a size 0 or a size 32. I love you. I need you to love me.

How about we try something new? Let’s send this as an email? How about we call the radio and talk about how much we love each other? How about you post this note on Facebook? How about you tweet about your love for your sisters? I have work to do ladies and I need you.

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (3)

Success is Your Responsibility

February 5, 2010

Success is not your right, but your responsibility. You see your existence at this very moment is something of a privilege. I am a woman who miscarried a child. There is something about that process that demonstrates just how fragile life is. My baby was one of many that failed to be born. That child could have been you. You survived the miracle and tragedy of being birthed. There is triumph in your being here. Everyday a mother makes a choice that due to her circumstances, lack or resources or support, it is best not to introduce a child into this world. That decision was not made for you. There is honor in your being here, despite your circumstances, lack of resources or support.

You in your unique body, with your individual expression and your autonomous thought process, are a part of this big space that we call the universe. You are a piece of something. You belong to a family or a neighborhood or a community. You are a member of a state, a country and a continent. No matter what your personal feelings are about race or ethnicity there is a group of people that share similar characteristics and histories. You are a surviving member of that group. Who do you think you are not giving this life all you have? What gives you the right not to fight hard for your community? I am you and you are me. Who you become will either help me or harm me in some way. Why would you take that lightly?

Wanting the best out of life is not selfish. I want you to succeed because in succeeding you will influence me, my children and my family members. I will not tear you down because in doing so I hurt me. I threaten my own existence by not supporting yours. Do not be humble about wanting the best out of life. You owe it to us to be successful. There is a saying that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. I need you to be all that you can be so that you can support me. Don’t be the weakest link.

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (5)

Work From Home

January 19, 2010

You can have a successful home based business. I can help.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (0)

Vision Builders 2010

January 7, 2010

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (0)

Goals vs Resolutions

January 4, 2010

Instead of resolutions I encourage clients to establish goals. While resolutions are blanket statements delivered to the universe with no plan of action, no reference and no structure of measurement, SMART goals are Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic and Timebound. Let’s examine each component.

A specific goal answers the who, what, when and why questions. For example your resolution might be to start your own business, but your SMART goal will assist you in the planning of this project by answering the following questions:

• What business will I start?
• Where will my business operate?
• Who will be my partners? Who will I need to work with?
• Why is this business important to me?
• When will I start?

A measureable goal is one that has milestones. Instead of setting the resolution of losing 25 pounds, a SMART goal might be to lose two pounds per month for the entire year of 2010. This way each month you are charting your loss and you can see what works for you and adjust monthly if you find a certain workout or nutrition plan isn’t doing what you expected. Also a measureable goal leaves less room for surprise at the end!

An attainable goal is a large goal that is broken down into smaller, easier to accomplish parts. Take the weight loss goal for example. By breaking down the 25 pound goal into 12 smaller parts, you get to celebrate and encourage yourself along the way. Are your goals for 2010 attainable?

When first introduced to the SMART goal system I fought the realistic part. I thought who am I as a coach to tell someone that their goal is or is not realistic, but working with clients every day has shown me why this is important. I believe that where there is a will there is a way, but I also believe that personal and physical factors can influence our ability to overcome certain challenges. I would never tell someone that they can’t accomplish a goal, but we may need to determine whether or not you need additional time or resources to proceed.

Finally your goal should be timebound. You should establish clear start, end and check in points on the road to achieving your goal. If, for example, your goal is to write a book, you might want a date for your chapter outline, dates that each chapter will be completed, a date that the draft will go to your editor, etc. Making your goals timebound encourages constant effort. Trust me it works!

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (5)

What Will Be Said About You?

December 31, 2009

One of my favorite movie lines comes from the film Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It’s when the character played by Brad Pitt says, “In the end you start thinking about the beginning.” Less than ten words…a thought so real, yet so poetic. That is the human experience. We spend so much time going through the motions. We race a clock that we’ve created in our own heads that says that we have to climb certain mountains by certain periods of time. We don’t stop to recognize the beauty in the moments and this saddens me. There are lessons to be learned in the moments. It is how we start, fall and get up that gives our future character.

In the end what will be said about your story? What legacy are you leaving behind? If today were your last day on the planet and a script was being made about your life, how would it read? Would people say that you loved hard? Are there a ton of souls that you’ve damaged? Where did your energy go? Did you help someone? Did you build something? What have you created that will live beyond your time on this planet?

The wonderful thing about today is that you have this day to write a page in that script. If there’s something that you’ve been meaning to do you can start working to accomplish it. If you’ve hurt someone you can apologize. If you’ve lived only for yourself you can reach out to someone in need. Today you can start working to further your education or start a new business. Today you can call an abandoned friend or family member. We are not promised tomorrow, but there is so much beauty in today. Don’t wait until the end to think about the beginning.

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (2)

Lack of order creates space for chaos

December 28, 2009

I believe in divine purpose. I believe in a creator that is not wasteful. I believe that I was created for a reason (or many reasons). I believe the exact same thing about each and every one of my clients. I follow nature. I’m a gardener. It is overwhelming sometimes for me to sit in my garden and watch the natural order of things; the delicate cycle of life. In my garden I watch every creature, from the smallest bug to the largest tree, know its role and play its position. The ants march orderly, destined to fulfill their life’s purpose. They are soldiers, protectors, warriors. Some are hunters and gatherers. Some ants care for the larvae and trust me they know when to fight and when to exit and regroup.

What I have learned from watching the creatures in my garden is that when you have a job to do and you believe that your mission is your reason for living…it’s hard to be depressed. I don’t find too many ants abandoning ship in my backyard. Even when I displace their environment by planting a new crop or adding a stone decoration, the ant will fight very hard to return to its job…to doing what it is supposed to be doing.

We have that same passion. We have that same desire. Our spirits are fighting to fulfill their purpose in the limited time that they have on this planet, but for many of us we are our own roadblock. Our thoughts, our narrow vision, our weak faith get in the way of us fulfilling our responsibilities to the universe. Lack of order creates space for chaos. Chaos in our minds can become disease in our bodies. Uncovering your path and discovering your passion in not a luxury it is a necessity.

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (1)

Self-Talk

December 14, 2009

This month, I have challenged myself to update my blog at least once a week. And yes…this is proving to be a challenge. It’s not easy to update frequently because well…life gets in the way. There’s always some job, circumstance or situation that requires my immediate attention. There’s constantly some need that I must address before I’m free to sit down and express myself. I have every reason NOT to write. I am a mom. I am a wife. I have a full time job. I am in private practice. I’m enrolled in additional certification courses this semester…the house…the car, etc. I could go on and on affirming why I don’t or can’t, but this month I choose to do.

In my therapeutic relationships I’m constantly assisting my clients in the exploration of their attitudes and self-talk. As a facilitator it is my job to remind them how imperative it is that we force ourselves to take inventory of the messages that we are nourishing our minds with. When we believe that we can’t…we won’t.

In preparation for updating today’s blog I decided to practice a coaching lesion on myself. I did a self-talk reflection exercise. I went through my day hour by hour and recorded what activities I participated in. In addition to what I did, I wrote down how I felt and what I said. My day went something like this:

6 a.m. I woke up. I felt exhausted. I said, “Oh God I’m tired.”

7:10 a.m. Took my daughter to school. I felt rushed. She missed the bus. I said, “Whew, It’s going to be a long day.”

10 a.m. Staff meeting. I felt like my time was being wasted. I whispered to a co-worker that I could feel my brain cells dying. She laughed and totally agreed.

Half the day had gone past before I realized how negative I was being and how that negativity was affecting my productivity. My statements were simply affirming my situation and were not serving to create positive in my life. So I stopped. Just like that. I stopped and just like that I changed my self-talk. And now I feel better about my day AND I have updated my blog!

We all need support and a gentle reminder from time to time. Now…what are you telling yourself? What messages are you feeding your soul? If the saying it true that thoughts become things, what will you be tomorrow?

Share and Enjoy:

Comments (3)

« Newer Posts — Older Posts »